It’s 20 years ago. I’m ‘living the dream’ in London. But I’m burnt out, stressed out, disconnected and unfulfilled.
My doctor can’t prescribe any stronger painkillers for the migraines that are knocking me out for days at a time, so she suggests yoga. After fighting off my self-conscious giggles at chanting Om with a group of strangers in a darkened room in South London, I experience something I’ve never felt before.
Spaciousness. Connection. Peace. Oneness.
Here I am, breathing softly, stretching gently and feeling absolute bliss. I’ve come home. I’m no longer running away or rushing around.
This is what was missing – and I hadn’t even realised it was. The feelings of relief and homecoming are tangible.
That was the first time I remember consciously feeling the presence of my Soul – it’s the first time I slowed down to make space to notice it. Regardless of all the changes I’ve gone through over the past 20 years, one thing has stayed the same – I keep showing up with the intention of feeling the presence of my Soul in my daily life.
I keep noticing the very human patterns, emotions, beliefs, stories and behaviours that sometimes block me from feeling the presence of my Soul. The fears and doubts and overwhelm. The old stories of struggle and hard work. The everyday sensitivity of feeling everything so acutely. I watch how I make myself busy and push to make things happen, when I am much more effective and creative when I do less and soften more.
This dance between our Soul stuff and our personality stuff is the nature of being human.
We taste the love and spaciousness of our Souls and then fill our days avoiding it!
We tell ourselves there’s too much to do, we have to be constantly on the go. We live in this world of constant stimulation where we check our emails in bed at night and our instagram feed in the morning before we’ve even brushed our teeth. We fill up our days as if to prove that this is what it means to be a functioning member of society.
We get stressed out and frazzled and overwhelmed and stretched too thin. We get fearful and anxious and can’t hear our intuition because there’s so much other noise. We never switch off. We forget how.
We don’t gift ourselves the silence and stillness we need so that our thinking minds can loosen their hold and we can e x p a n d into that deep timeless space where we are limitless and all-loving.
Where our hearts feel like open flowers and butterfly wings and anything is possible. Where we become clear skies and still lakes and the answers we’ve been straining to find through logical thinking float into our consciousness like dandelion seeds carried on the breeze of our inner knowing.
We need to come home on a regular basis. We need to keep recharging our Souls and refreshing our spirits.
We need time out from the daily pressures and the hamster-on-a-wheel thoughts and the to-do lists to just be. Because this is where we receive the gifts that make us feel nourished and full. Topped up with love, clear about our next steps, able to see the bigger picture, and remember that we are limitless beauty and infinite love.
This is how we surrender to our Souls. This is how we come home.
And it’s not effortful or complicated but it does require a commitment to taking care of yourself.
Especially if you’re an empath or a healer or a creative soul or a parent or anyone who regularly holds space for other people. Because you have nothing to give when you are depleted.
Yes, you matter enough to take time out. Yes, it’s OK for someone else to hold a space for you sometimes. Yes, this is more important than anything else.